The first time I felt this baby move was somewhere around 14 weeks. It started with little popping sensations in my belly, or little flutters of something moving. It was hard to tell if it was real though. I was pretty sure I was feeling the baby but it was still so early it was hard to be certain. Sometimes I wondered if I was just wishing so hard for movement that I was imagining it was happening. Then one…
I wasn’t sure how it would feel to be pregnant again. I imagined it would be scary and strange, but I also felt like I would have some motherly instinct that would just reassure me that everything was ok. I figured I had that bad feeling my entire pregnancy with Ava, so surely if things were going well in a future pregnancy I could expect to just know it was all ok. It didn’t exactly happen that way.
When people learn about Ava it only takes a few minutes before they ask me if I think we’ll every try again. I never knew what to say to that. When I was in the hospital and still pregnant I announced with absolute certainty that there was no way I was ever going to do this again. It was hell. I couldn’t imagine ever willingly putting myself in that position for a second time. Travis agreed. The day after Ava…
I got pretty behind on posting so playing some major catch up on the blog as the story has continued and I’ve still got a lot to say…. Right after Ava died the doctors at the hospital offered me anti-depressants. I immediately refused. There is no doubt I was absolutely and crushingly depressed, but I didn’t think medication was going to be the answer. I didn’t have a chemical imbalance in my brain, and I didn’t have an illness that…
I have been trying to write this story and this post for about 14 months. Every time I sit down to do it I just can’t seem to find the right words and my opinion of God continues to change daily, but if I edit it anymore it will never be posted. Still not sure I’ve gotten it quite right yet, but it’s such an important piece of our story that needs to be shared that ready or not, here…
I’ve been quiet for the last month. Well, at least on the blog front. Life has been moving at an incredibly fast past and it’s been hard for me to keep up. I haven’t made time for writing and to be honest, I haven’t really been sure what to say. The month of guest posts was incredible. I have been humbled by the strength and grace shown by those who wrote submissions. I am honored to know such incredible people…
My last guest post came in a few hours before the end of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and it feels fitting to end this series of guest posts by letting my husband have the last word. When I decided to invite guests to post on my blog I decided to refrain from adding my own commentary in the introductions so that you may all form your own opinion. It is hard not to comment on this one so…
A huge thank you to Amy Lines for her courage to share her story. I am continuing to accept any and all submissions for the month of October. E-mail: cari@twentysixandfour.com
Thank you to Jennie Buliga for sharing her story. If you would like to submit a piece there’s still time. E-mail: cari@twentysixandfour.com
Those 5 words The day was pretty dreary for a July day in Colorado. It was July 7th. That day my life would completely take a 180 and change forever. That afternoon I had a doctor’s appointment. I was 22 weeks pregnant with my baby girl Sydney. I finished up eating my Doritos at work (don’t judge) and was off to my appointment to get my blood pressure followed up on with my OB/GYN. It was pouring rain. As I…