December 23, 2015, I came home from work to see Logan and Travis playing in our living room. I greeted my boys with hugs and kisses and played for a few minutes before telling Travis I wanted to take a pregnancy test. I went to the bathroom and left the test sitting on the counter then went back to playing with the guys while I waited for the results. Logan was so close to walking and we laughed and cheered…
Everyone keeps telling me that the only remedy for my grief is time. Time for me to heal, time for me to grow, time for me to get used to the fact that all of this is real. Time. It is one of the stranger things people say to comfort me when I really think about it, because as true as it is, what am I supposed to do with that? Time is just another reminder of one more thing…
I wrote this post a few nights ago and I debated sharing it. Not because it is overly personal but because it is honest and it acknowledges the pain I’m pretending not to feel. I pretend not only for myself but for others. I don’t want everyone to worry about me. Or to think I am a constantly quivering pile of mush that cannot go on with life. I am alive. I am living. But I also need to be…
Last week was Thanksgiving, and surprisingly, this year I felt more gratitude than I ever have before. My first instinct is to say that I’m grateful despite everything that has happened to me this year, but truthfully, I think I’m more grateful because of what happened. Ava’s death gave me the opportunity to see firsthand what I already knew in my heart; I am incredibly blessed. Today I would like to really look outside of my grief for a moment…