I wasn’t sure how it would feel to be pregnant again. I imagined it would be scary and strange, but I also felt like I would have some motherly instinct that would just reassure me that everything was ok. I figured I had that bad feeling my entire pregnancy with Ava, so surely if things were going well in a future pregnancy I could expect to just know it was all ok. It didn’t exactly happen that way.
When people learn about Ava it only takes a few minutes before they ask me if I think we’ll every try again. I never knew what to say to that. When I was in the hospital and still pregnant I announced with absolute certainty that there was no way I was ever going to do this again. It was hell. I couldn’t imagine ever willingly putting myself in that position for a second time. Travis agreed. The day after Ava…
I got pretty behind on posting so playing some major catch up on the blog as the story has continued and I’ve still got a lot to say…. Right after Ava died the doctors at the hospital offered me anti-depressants. I immediately refused. There is no doubt I was absolutely and crushingly depressed, but I didn’t think medication was going to be the answer. I didn’t have a chemical imbalance in my brain, and I didn’t have an illness that…
I have been trying to write this story and this post for about 14 months. Every time I sit down to do it I just can’t seem to find the right words and my opinion of God continues to change daily, but if I edit it anymore it will never be posted. Still not sure I’ve gotten it quite right yet, but it’s such an important piece of our story that needs to be shared that ready or not, here…
I’ve been quiet for the last month. Well, at least on the blog front. Life has been moving at an incredibly fast past and it’s been hard for me to keep up. I haven’t made time for writing and to be honest, I haven’t really been sure what to say. The month of guest posts was incredible. I have been humbled by the strength and grace shown by those who wrote submissions. I am honored to know such incredible people…
Thank you to Fern for sharing her story in honor of Miscarriage and Infant Loss Awareness Month. If you would like to submit a piece please email cari@twentysixandfour.com. Fern Chasida Rabinovitz, aged 51, originally from New York and living in Israel since 1988. Wife, mother, friend, reader, librarian.
Thank you to Krista Cox for submitting such a beautiful piece. This is the first guest post in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I am still welcoming any and all types of submissions for the month of October if you would like to make a guest post. E-mail: cari@twentysixandfour.com
October was proclaimed National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month by President Ronald Reagan in 1988.
Some days I struggle. Most days I can put Ava into a safe place in my heart and hold her there while I continue living a life with purpose and full of happiness, but some days I can’t. Some days I just hurt too much to come out of the shadows, and when I wake up in the morning I wish I could go back to sleep until the pain was over. Some days I just really struggle. And though those…
It’s been over a year and I still don’t go more than a few hours without thinking about Ava. Some days I feel OK, “normal,” like myself again. Then there’s days that I still feel like I can’t function. Like the other day at work. I completely lost it. I got triggered by a patient and I couldn’t recover. As soon as I would feel like I was close to being able to get through the day a different patient…